It's been a while since I've written.
I talk to you daily, I just wish I had more time to share all fo the daily things with you that I get to share when you are home.
Annabelle now says, "I'm sorry" and it's the cutest thing in the world. I will try to get it on video or try to get her to say it for you on the phone in the next day or two.
The room is almost together. There is still a lot of stuff on the floor, but it's just stuff I need to put away now and not go through, which is nice.
My dad has been drinking twice. Mom told me to tell him to take off so he could take me back- but really, I don't want to go back right now. At least not until October- shit, I've worked hard enough trying to feel like I should be here to turn around and go back. Plus, with you not there and Sus gone, I would be lost!
Mom has been helping a lot this weekend, so I feel a lot better about things.
Lunch at Olive Garden was awesome, we so have to go next time we are in town because it was GOOD!
I didn't go to church. It's not worth it to get ready and then sit in the cry room alone or with other people and not hear anything.
Emese came down with the kids. It was really so good to see her. She has such an amazing heart and really is a good little mom, especially since she is a single mom. I can relate to her more and more with you being gone and she's such a good friend to me. I really feel bad for saying bad things about her when I didn't want her to visit. She's just so giving.
Anyway, that's a quick rundown of the last few days. I'm exhausted and should get to bed but I will email you this link right now so you can read and catch up. If i know you are reading I'll be more inclined to post more!
I LOVE YOU HONEY! 121 days!!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Tuesday, September 16
Well, I didn't post last night because I was looking for Giz2's heartbeat- to no avail.
You should have it in your email tomorrow though! It took a while but I was finally able to track it down and get one good and one ok recording of it! I hope you can hear it! It's such an amazing thing!
Annabelle and I just ran errands today. When I got home I talked to your sister for a while. Her, Ed, Annabelle and I are going to meet up Friday in Annapolis and maybe go to Quiet Waters Park to play outside and out to eat. Depends on the weather though...
My cousin Jennifer came over to go through teaching stuff Melissa's mom left for me that I never made it through. I got to hold my cousin Nicholas- oh my gosh he's too cute. He fell asleep in my arms after about 10 minutes and I held him for an hour. Annabelle was less than pleased with me holding him at first- she told me up, she tried to give me toys and she tried to tell me horse and climb on my back! Haha. She finally stopped caring when we took her outside to play.
Dad was drinking tonight. Lovely. I told him he cannot be around Annabelle and I told him that if he continues drinking he needs to let work know he needs a few more days off to pack us up and take us back to Georgia. I'd really hate to go back, I'm starting to feel a little better about being here- but I can't take the anger that builds up in me when he's drinking and I can't stand that I hate him during that time. It makes me sick and if he keeps it up I will have to go back to stay sane.
I hope you feel better honey. It hurts me to know you are sick and I can't help you feel better or take care of you. I will get the Benadryl in the mail to you Friday- unless you want me to mail it separately and I can do that too.
I love you. I wish you were here. Today I got to thinking back to when we started dating and it made me know- not like I didn't already- how lucky I am to have you as my husband. I really am eternally greatful to have you and am so blessed to be with you forever and to have you as the father of our beautiful little girl and this new baby to come. You are amazing honey!
You should have it in your email tomorrow though! It took a while but I was finally able to track it down and get one good and one ok recording of it! I hope you can hear it! It's such an amazing thing!
Annabelle and I just ran errands today. When I got home I talked to your sister for a while. Her, Ed, Annabelle and I are going to meet up Friday in Annapolis and maybe go to Quiet Waters Park to play outside and out to eat. Depends on the weather though...
My cousin Jennifer came over to go through teaching stuff Melissa's mom left for me that I never made it through. I got to hold my cousin Nicholas- oh my gosh he's too cute. He fell asleep in my arms after about 10 minutes and I held him for an hour. Annabelle was less than pleased with me holding him at first- she told me up, she tried to give me toys and she tried to tell me horse and climb on my back! Haha. She finally stopped caring when we took her outside to play.
Dad was drinking tonight. Lovely. I told him he cannot be around Annabelle and I told him that if he continues drinking he needs to let work know he needs a few more days off to pack us up and take us back to Georgia. I'd really hate to go back, I'm starting to feel a little better about being here- but I can't take the anger that builds up in me when he's drinking and I can't stand that I hate him during that time. It makes me sick and if he keeps it up I will have to go back to stay sane.
I hope you feel better honey. It hurts me to know you are sick and I can't help you feel better or take care of you. I will get the Benadryl in the mail to you Friday- unless you want me to mail it separately and I can do that too.
I love you. I wish you were here. Today I got to thinking back to when we started dating and it made me know- not like I didn't already- how lucky I am to have you as my husband. I really am eternally greatful to have you and am so blessed to be with you forever and to have you as the father of our beautiful little girl and this new baby to come. You are amazing honey!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Sunday
We went to church this morning. I'd love to say I got a great message from it, but I didn't hear anything. Annabelle got antsy a few minutes into the service and I ended up in the cry room. It was ok until my Dad came in, then my mom, then Tracie (a lady my mom knows whose husband is also AF and also deployed). Dad left, but with mom, myself, Belle, Tracie and her little boy I didn't hear a thing. I have no idea what any of the verses were about and I caught something about trees in the sermon. That's it. I'm not sure if I'll go next week. It's too much work to get Belle and I dressed then sit in a room and play- we can do that here, ya know?
Mom and I then went to Safeway. Dad told me late last night that Andee didn't have enough food to get through Monday morning- of course it was too late to go to the vet so Mom and I rode to Safeway. Of course, they didn't have it but I did get a lot of awesome fruit for Annabelle and I and some essentials. We then made it to Petsmart. I think we will have to get her a fish when we get home, what do you think?
She's now napping.
She's picking up phrases like crazy. All done, sit down, fall down, no way, etc. It's awesome!
I miss you. I'm waiting on the phone to ring....
Mom and I then went to Safeway. Dad told me late last night that Andee didn't have enough food to get through Monday morning- of course it was too late to go to the vet so Mom and I rode to Safeway. Of course, they didn't have it but I did get a lot of awesome fruit for Annabelle and I and some essentials. We then made it to Petsmart. I think we will have to get her a fish when we get home, what do you think?
She's now napping.
She's picking up phrases like crazy. All done, sit down, fall down, no way, etc. It's awesome!
I miss you. I'm waiting on the phone to ring....
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Saturday
Today got better after I talked to you. Mom and I went through the closet and threw out 98% of what was in there! I'm still nowhere close to being unpacked, but I'll get it done this week.
We went to the picnic at the pier. Not a whole lot to do other than eat but the minute I made it to the center of the pier a peace came on me- the magic of water! Life got better after that.
Belle napped an hour AHHHHH but Audrey came down and mom and Audrey spent most of the day with Belle while I tried to find places to store things.
Nothing much happened but I wanted to at least say something.
I love you so much honey. We're making it- day by day- minute by minute- second by second. And though they can't go quickly enough I'm already dreaming of our reunion!
I love you, thank you for loving me!
We went to the picnic at the pier. Not a whole lot to do other than eat but the minute I made it to the center of the pier a peace came on me- the magic of water! Life got better after that.
Belle napped an hour AHHHHH but Audrey came down and mom and Audrey spent most of the day with Belle while I tried to find places to store things.
Nothing much happened but I wanted to at least say something.
I love you so much honey. We're making it- day by day- minute by minute- second by second. And though they can't go quickly enough I'm already dreaming of our reunion!
I love you, thank you for loving me!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Maryland
Well, we made it.
It was a long day. Mom actually did the entire drive but we had a trying hour with Annabelle. She threw a fit, and was just done. I knew getting her out of the car would be worse than continuing though, so we pushed through.
We played a bit with some toys, she ate one thousand cookies and wanted nothing but juice-- hey, whatever it takes to get there.
By the time we got here she wanted no food, which I could care less about.
The downstairs- where I was GOING to have her playroom is a Mom's nightmare. Seriously, stuff in every inch of that room. So I'm going to have to make the bedroom up here and the living room a playroom and just put the big toys in the bedroom and let her bring them out daily. Anyway... Pain. I have nothing unpacked, so tomorrow will be another long day trying to get creative with storage and living three of us out of one room (cat, me, Belle).
We watched you on tv tonight (as we have everything) and she kept hitting me on the head saying, "Daddy, Daddy". She asks for you a hundred times a day and I always ask, "Annabelle, where is Daddy?" She always says, "Eeerpeene" :) She also got a kick out of the HUGE pictures of you and I as kids hanging in the bedroom here- I told her it was you and she kept saying, "Daddy, silly" hehe.
I'm missing you like crazy. It's so weird being here. Uncle D came to help unpack the cars since it was late and he was like, "Welcome home- well, welcome back" Haha. He understood. Home is with you. This will always partially be my home, but I left OUR home this morning to come to my childhood house...
I love you.
It was a long day. Mom actually did the entire drive but we had a trying hour with Annabelle. She threw a fit, and was just done. I knew getting her out of the car would be worse than continuing though, so we pushed through.
We played a bit with some toys, she ate one thousand cookies and wanted nothing but juice-- hey, whatever it takes to get there.
By the time we got here she wanted no food, which I could care less about.
The downstairs- where I was GOING to have her playroom is a Mom's nightmare. Seriously, stuff in every inch of that room. So I'm going to have to make the bedroom up here and the living room a playroom and just put the big toys in the bedroom and let her bring them out daily. Anyway... Pain. I have nothing unpacked, so tomorrow will be another long day trying to get creative with storage and living three of us out of one room (cat, me, Belle).
We watched you on tv tonight (as we have everything) and she kept hitting me on the head saying, "Daddy, Daddy". She asks for you a hundred times a day and I always ask, "Annabelle, where is Daddy?" She always says, "Eeerpeene" :) She also got a kick out of the HUGE pictures of you and I as kids hanging in the bedroom here- I told her it was you and she kept saying, "Daddy, silly" hehe.
I'm missing you like crazy. It's so weird being here. Uncle D came to help unpack the cars since it was late and he was like, "Welcome home- well, welcome back" Haha. He understood. Home is with you. This will always partially be my home, but I left OUR home this morning to come to my childhood house...
I love you.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
September 11, 2008
Hiya honey,
It's 7pm, I'm taking a 15 minute break to sit down.
I've spent the day packing container after container. I think we will have 9 total, plus my luggage in the back of my car and Annabelle's *big* toys (car, play table, etc) in the backseat of my Dad's truck. It's exhausting packing EVERYTHING we will need for 4 months. It's not like it's a week, ya know? Even a month we could have halved it all, but not 4 months.
I had my massage with Ashley. Too bad I had it earlier and I'm still packing, I feel like I'm ruining all of her work. Let me just say, Geezus is a lucky man! Ashley was awesome. We talked the entire time. At the end she told me my back was a wreck, one of the worst she's seen in a long time and I shouldn't go more than 2-3 weeks without a massage. I priced them in Maryland- yeah, they are $100 easy so I will probably have to go 4 months until I can afford Ashley again... But, for 30 glorious minutes I felt WONDERFUL! AMAZING! I loved it, thank you!
I guess I better get back to packing. I hate it, I really do. I have almost all of her toys packed, I'll finish out the last bin and then pack her books. Fun...
I miss you like crazy. I wish you were here so I didn't have to do all of this. We WILL get through and you will come home soon. 131 days, and in 2-3 hours I can say 130. It's better than 134 that we started with, right??????
It's 7pm, I'm taking a 15 minute break to sit down.
I've spent the day packing container after container. I think we will have 9 total, plus my luggage in the back of my car and Annabelle's *big* toys (car, play table, etc) in the backseat of my Dad's truck. It's exhausting packing EVERYTHING we will need for 4 months. It's not like it's a week, ya know? Even a month we could have halved it all, but not 4 months.
I had my massage with Ashley. Too bad I had it earlier and I'm still packing, I feel like I'm ruining all of her work. Let me just say, Geezus is a lucky man! Ashley was awesome. We talked the entire time. At the end she told me my back was a wreck, one of the worst she's seen in a long time and I shouldn't go more than 2-3 weeks without a massage. I priced them in Maryland- yeah, they are $100 easy so I will probably have to go 4 months until I can afford Ashley again... But, for 30 glorious minutes I felt WONDERFUL! AMAZING! I loved it, thank you!
I guess I better get back to packing. I hate it, I really do. I have almost all of her toys packed, I'll finish out the last bin and then pack her books. Fun...
I miss you like crazy. I wish you were here so I didn't have to do all of this. We WILL get through and you will come home soon. 131 days, and in 2-3 hours I can say 130. It's better than 134 that we started with, right??????
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Another day...
I'm so glad I got to talk to you this morning, it really made my day!
We spent the morning driving around base. FYI the Airman and Readiness Center is it's own building :) The people in the clinic looked at me like I am crazy. I finally found the right building and got the paperwork for the car. I called and have an appt. Thursday at 1, which rocks because we won't leave for Maryland til Friday now! Woohoo, I won! Haha.
I got a call saying Annabelle's giraffe costume is canceled, so now I'm trying to find a great alternative. Do you have any ideas?
She is napping, my mom is asleep on the couch and Dad is watching TV. I'm wasting time on the internet while she's sleeping and then I'll pack up the rest of her clothes.
I mailed you a package today, I hope it gets there next week sometime and I hope the candy doesn't melt- haha! Let me know if it does and I won't send that kind again!
I emailed Jeezus' wife today, she's coming over tomorrow around 3:30 to give me a prenatal massage. My shoulders are absolutely killing me and I'm hoping it will make the drive much more comfortable. Even if it doesn't, I'll at least feel good for an hour, right?
I hope you are getting some good sleep. I'm hoping I sleep better in Maryland. I've been staying up 'til midnight here because I just can't force myself to go to bed without you. I toss and turn most of the night. Stephanie and Chuck left their outside light on last night and it kept me up shining into our bedroom. I'd ask them to turn it off, but I don't want to make things bad right before we go!
Anyway, I love you. I miss you and I hope this blog makes things a little better and I can feel like I'm talking to you even if you can't call!
We spent the morning driving around base. FYI the Airman and Readiness Center is it's own building :) The people in the clinic looked at me like I am crazy. I finally found the right building and got the paperwork for the car. I called and have an appt. Thursday at 1, which rocks because we won't leave for Maryland til Friday now! Woohoo, I won! Haha.
I got a call saying Annabelle's giraffe costume is canceled, so now I'm trying to find a great alternative. Do you have any ideas?
She is napping, my mom is asleep on the couch and Dad is watching TV. I'm wasting time on the internet while she's sleeping and then I'll pack up the rest of her clothes.
I mailed you a package today, I hope it gets there next week sometime and I hope the candy doesn't melt- haha! Let me know if it does and I won't send that kind again!
I emailed Jeezus' wife today, she's coming over tomorrow around 3:30 to give me a prenatal massage. My shoulders are absolutely killing me and I'm hoping it will make the drive much more comfortable. Even if it doesn't, I'll at least feel good for an hour, right?
I hope you are getting some good sleep. I'm hoping I sleep better in Maryland. I've been staying up 'til midnight here because I just can't force myself to go to bed without you. I toss and turn most of the night. Stephanie and Chuck left their outside light on last night and it kept me up shining into our bedroom. I'd ask them to turn it off, but I don't want to make things bad right before we go!
Anyway, I love you. I miss you and I hope this blog makes things a little better and I can feel like I'm talking to you even if you can't call!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Trying day...
It was a hard day. I woke up in pain because I slept so crazy without you here. My shoulders were killing me and I woke up with stomach cramps- which, of course, freaked me out about The Giz. I went to the bathroom and saw pink- not again. I tried to remain calm, but it happened more than once in an hour so I called the OB.
They are wonderful people. I started crying on the phone with the nurse, telling her I had had the flu, and you deployed and I was spotting. She asked me if I had anyone here with me and promised me she'd call me back quickly. They called back with a 2:15 appt. with a midwife.
Dad watched Annabelle for me (she was napping) and mom came to Southern OB with me. They took me back, did the normal tests and I saw the OB- the midwife I was going to see was delivering a baby. The OB, a man, came in and did a quick internal and said everything looked out and it was from stress. At that point I started sobbing, I asked if we could try to find the heartbeat on the doppler and told him about the stress and all that had happened and he said he'd get me in for an U/S and to go to the waiting room.
They said it would take a while because they were squeezing me in but I was in within 5 minutes. I had the U/S tech let my grab my mom.
I got ready for the U/S and we saw the baby immediately. I couldn't see a heartbeat so I freaked out but she assured me it was there and was 167 beats per minute- perfect! The baby moved its arms for us- I think s/he was saying, "Mommy, relax I'm ok".
I wish you could have been there to see it, but I know God was with us today. I have 3 pictures to scan and post for you, I will try to do that tonight.
The baby is measuring 9 weeks 2 days- still 2 days ahead!!!!
I am so glad I heard from you. I have no idea why you are in Hungary, but I'll take it if you are safe. Thank you for thinking to email me! I love you!
I didn't get any packing done today, but Dad did get the bins cleaned and Annabelle spent a lot of time outside. She didn't understand the airplanes and kept asking for you, I don't think she gets that you aren't here yet, and I hope she doesn't.
I do know that I miss you! Your family has all called- Nan, your Mom and Molly have all checked in. We sure are blessed with a wonderful family!
I love you honey! I'm hesitant to post all of this today because I don't want to worry you, but I do want you to know that Giz is just fine- like you keep telling me :)
They are wonderful people. I started crying on the phone with the nurse, telling her I had had the flu, and you deployed and I was spotting. She asked me if I had anyone here with me and promised me she'd call me back quickly. They called back with a 2:15 appt. with a midwife.
Dad watched Annabelle for me (she was napping) and mom came to Southern OB with me. They took me back, did the normal tests and I saw the OB- the midwife I was going to see was delivering a baby. The OB, a man, came in and did a quick internal and said everything looked out and it was from stress. At that point I started sobbing, I asked if we could try to find the heartbeat on the doppler and told him about the stress and all that had happened and he said he'd get me in for an U/S and to go to the waiting room.
They said it would take a while because they were squeezing me in but I was in within 5 minutes. I had the U/S tech let my grab my mom.
I got ready for the U/S and we saw the baby immediately. I couldn't see a heartbeat so I freaked out but she assured me it was there and was 167 beats per minute- perfect! The baby moved its arms for us- I think s/he was saying, "Mommy, relax I'm ok".
I wish you could have been there to see it, but I know God was with us today. I have 3 pictures to scan and post for you, I will try to do that tonight.
The baby is measuring 9 weeks 2 days- still 2 days ahead!!!!
I am so glad I heard from you. I have no idea why you are in Hungary, but I'll take it if you are safe. Thank you for thinking to email me! I love you!
I didn't get any packing done today, but Dad did get the bins cleaned and Annabelle spent a lot of time outside. She didn't understand the airplanes and kept asking for you, I don't think she gets that you aren't here yet, and I hope she doesn't.
I do know that I miss you! Your family has all called- Nan, your Mom and Molly have all checked in. We sure are blessed with a wonderful family!
I love you honey! I'm hesitant to post all of this today because I don't want to worry you, but I do want you to know that Giz is just fine- like you keep telling me :)
Monday, September 8, 2008
DD has come...
That's right, the dreaded DD day...
Deployment Day.
Man, today really was one of the hardest days I've ever had. No one can understand unless they've lived it. The dread of watching the clock, knowing the inevitable is coming, walking to the car, the incessant tears and sobs, the final kisses, hugs, etc. I'm crying again thinking about it.
Praise God for my parents being able to be here. They were my salvation tonight. Having them to help with Annabelle got me through the evening.
I am one day down, 133 days to go. Nothing to report about sadness and worry so I will refrain from that.
But...
Russ- You are my heart and soul. I will forever be yours. It has always been you, since the minute God created me he knew who my perfect mate was- and it is you. I will miss you every second you are gone. Be safe and come home to me. I am counting down the months, weeks, days, minutes, seconds. I will love you forever and even longer...
Deployment Day.
Man, today really was one of the hardest days I've ever had. No one can understand unless they've lived it. The dread of watching the clock, knowing the inevitable is coming, walking to the car, the incessant tears and sobs, the final kisses, hugs, etc. I'm crying again thinking about it.
Praise God for my parents being able to be here. They were my salvation tonight. Having them to help with Annabelle got me through the evening.
I am one day down, 133 days to go. Nothing to report about sadness and worry so I will refrain from that.
But...
Russ- You are my heart and soul. I will forever be yours. It has always been you, since the minute God created me he knew who my perfect mate was- and it is you. I will miss you every second you are gone. Be safe and come home to me. I am counting down the months, weeks, days, minutes, seconds. I will love you forever and even longer...
Thursday, September 4, 2008
4 days left with Daddy...
and I'm numb. Just numb. I've cried enough this week. I don't know how I will be strong enough to say goodbye to Russ, but I will. I don't know how I will live without him for 4 months, but I will. I will miss him more than I can explain to anyone.
For those who say, "I know what you are going through"- unless you have a spouse who has deployed... you have no idea. You dread the days passing. You dread the inevitable. It's almost like you want time to speed up so they can get home already. You don't get it if you don't live it. A family member is not the same as a spouse, plain and simple. So while we military wives appreciate the thoughts and sentiments, please don't try to fool yourself into thinking you get it-- because you have no idea.
Russ- You are my love, my life and my best friend. Even though you will be far away, you will be with me in my every thought. Be prepared to sit and listen to me talk for a week when you get home, because you are WHO I talk to, and who I WANT to talk to. I love you!!!!
For those who say, "I know what you are going through"- unless you have a spouse who has deployed... you have no idea. You dread the days passing. You dread the inevitable. It's almost like you want time to speed up so they can get home already. You don't get it if you don't live it. A family member is not the same as a spouse, plain and simple. So while we military wives appreciate the thoughts and sentiments, please don't try to fool yourself into thinking you get it-- because you have no idea.
Russ- You are my love, my life and my best friend. Even though you will be far away, you will be with me in my every thought. Be prepared to sit and listen to me talk for a week when you get home, because you are WHO I talk to, and who I WANT to talk to. I love you!!!!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
One week to go...
One week to go, and I'm dreading the days passing. I wish I could stop them and just keep Russ home with me. Yes, it's his duty as a member of the USAF to deploy- but he really belongs home with me.
Part of me wants it to just get here already so I can say goodbye, deal with those emotions and get him home again. I desperately want life to be normal again.
The other part of me is terrified of going to bed each night because I know it's one less night we have together until he gets back.
Add all of those emotions to Hurricane Hanna coming. I've heard a rumor that they may leave early. I am not at all prepared for Russ to leave early. I dread Tuesday, but I'm prepared for that. I am NOT prepared for a minute earlier than he has to go. I am not at all prepared to weather a hurricane and possible power outages and house damages alone. The thought terrifies me.
I am a bundle of crazy emotions right now. It's easier to type them and to try to hide them until the next morning when Russ is at work. I know he'll read this when he's gone, but it will be easier then. He doesn't need the stress and anxieties I have right now on top of his own.
Russ- I love you, I am so blessed to have you as my husband. You ARE my best friend. These next few months will be so hard, but I find strength in knowing you will be back and I will appreciate you even more than I do now. God has given me the best gift in you and our precious little girl. I love you more than you will ever know and thank God daily for allowing me to be in your life.
Part of me wants it to just get here already so I can say goodbye, deal with those emotions and get him home again. I desperately want life to be normal again.
The other part of me is terrified of going to bed each night because I know it's one less night we have together until he gets back.
Add all of those emotions to Hurricane Hanna coming. I've heard a rumor that they may leave early. I am not at all prepared for Russ to leave early. I dread Tuesday, but I'm prepared for that. I am NOT prepared for a minute earlier than he has to go. I am not at all prepared to weather a hurricane and possible power outages and house damages alone. The thought terrifies me.
I am a bundle of crazy emotions right now. It's easier to type them and to try to hide them until the next morning when Russ is at work. I know he'll read this when he's gone, but it will be easier then. He doesn't need the stress and anxieties I have right now on top of his own.
Russ- I love you, I am so blessed to have you as my husband. You ARE my best friend. These next few months will be so hard, but I find strength in knowing you will be back and I will appreciate you even more than I do now. God has given me the best gift in you and our precious little girl. I love you more than you will ever know and thank God daily for allowing me to be in your life.
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